When I was little I used to think that love would come easy. I would grow up, find the girl of my dreams, get married, have kids, blah blah blah.
You know how the rest of that goes.
I Want True Love In My Life
I dated a few girls growing up, but none of them seemed to stick around for long. Sometimes I would end it, sometimes they would. But I always knew it would end eventually.
I even had a couple of serious relationships over the years. But they ended too and when they did, I was destroyed.
I do not handle breakups very well. It feels like the end of the world and I have nothing to live for. All I can think about is them. Every song reminds me of them. Every friend I have gets to keep telling me how great the other person is doing now. Every place I go to reminds me of the places we used to go together.
What it really feels like is that the other person won and I lost.
They get to move on, find someone else and live happily ever after while I’m left in the dust. Crying alone. Spending every day missing that person until I die.
That’s how it always felt.
After you feel like that a few times, who would want to try again? It’s too hard. It messes up my life too much. I have things to do. Goals to accomplish. I can’t let some girl derail me like that every few months.
So then I started getting very cautious about who I paid attention too. The next thing you know, I was alone. Month after month. Year after year.
I would go five to six years without even going on a date. Then I would decide to let someone in. Give it a shot. Meet someone really great, but find a million reasons to break up with them.
Break up. Feel lonely. Wait another five or six years.
This has been my entire love life in a nutshell. And now I’m 42 and still on my own.
For the most part, it’s ok. I like being alone. I am a very driven person. I have some big goals. So I like that I have time and energy to focus on my career and life goals.
But I’m still a human being and I get lonely sometimes.
It’s hard seeing everyone around me paired up. They’ve got what looks like “the perfect life” while I’m out here still trying to figure it all out.
I think humans are designed to nest. We are supposed to find a mate, have some kids, buy a house. That’s what we do. And we get a lot of joy and security from it.
Nesting brings a lot of peace into our lives. The question I have been asking lately is this…
Can You Nest Alone?
I’m not sure, of the answer. But I feel like you can.
I have an awesome house in an awesome neighborhood in an awesome city.
It’s pretty awesome. ;)
I love my home. It’s comfortable. It has all my favorite things. It’s clean and functional. There is room for having friends over. Family can stay with me when they are in town. I’ve built a really nice nest and it brings me a lot of joy.
But it always feels like a big part is missing.
I don’t know if that’s because there really is something missing or if I’ve just been told so many times that there is something missing that now I think there is something missing.
You know what I mean?
In other words, am I really lonely or do I just think I am SUPPOSED to be lonely because I’m single?
The Secret To Finding Love
I think the answer is found in the core principles I’ve been writing songs about all year. If I can practice GRATITUDE and ACCEPTANCE every day, then I don’t focus on what I don’t have. I focus on what I do have.
And I have a lot.
If I choose to BELIEVE and practice PERSEVERANCE, then I can trust that God has a plan. I just need to keep living the life He wants me to live. If that includes another person, then He will bring that person into my life when the time is right.
And if I am meant to live a single life, that is ok too. God has blessed me with a higher purpose. He has given that to all of us and we don’t need another person to complete us. We are whole as we are because God makes us complete.
My life is bigger than just trying to pair up and have babies. As long as I am following my true purpose in life, then I get to live a super fulfilled, rich life.
I am already NESTING. And no matter what I do or where I go, I will have a home. I will never be alone. And I think that’s the whole point anyway.
The new single from Chris Swan and Soul Motivation Records