I spend most of my time just trying to get through the day. I am in my own head constantly. Thinking about me and what I need to do to be happy today.
What am I going to eat today? What am I going to do for fun today? How am I going to deal with life today?
It’s all about me. No wonder I feel a lot of misery on these days. That’s the irony of it all. I spend so much time trying to figure out how to make myself happy that it makes me miserable.
And who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?
What’s the answer then? I mean, don’t we all want to be happy? Isn’t that a valid pursuit? Isn’t that what life is all about?
When I was at COR - the food recovery retreat that saved my life - one of the speakers said something that changed my life. He said…
“We were made to love others. That is the root of happiness.”
That’s it! The thing I have been looking for all my life. I had been so involved in myself and so wrapped up in my addictions that I didn’t have anything left to give to others. I was blocked off from God because I was numbing everything out with food and alcohol. And then because I felt disconnected from God, I also felt disconnected from people. I felt isolated and alone. And this led to misery.
I found my answer at COR - I need to love other people more.
So if I have the answer, why am I still struggling? Sure I am not in the food anymore and I quit drinking over 3 years ago, but I still struggle with feeling that connection with people. I still feel lonely and isolated a lot. What’s up with that? I thought I was fixed?!
It turns out that we are never fixed, but we do get better.
I can honestly say that my relationships are so much better today than they were a few years ago and that is all because of recovery. I can honestly say that I see God working in my life every day and that is all because of recovery. I have a hope that I never had before and that is, yep you got it, all because of recovery.
I’m healing but I’m not healed. There’s a difference. And I don’t think any of us ever become fully healed. But there is so much peace and joy that comes from the healing. I truly have to remember to stay in the present and be thankful for where I’m at today. It’s light-years away from where I was.
And when it comes to people, I need to keep working on giving of myself more. I give in a lot of ways, but I still can be super selfish. I need to remember that we are here to love each other. True happiness comes from that connection with people. I need people. I need you. And I want you to know that I’m glad you are in my life.
If we believe the purpose of life is to find happiness then that means the purpose of life is to love each other.
That is a pretty great purpose that I can get behind. It takes patience and it takes generosity. I have to be willing to give all that has been given to me. And by giving I get another day.
Generosity
The new single - Principle #11 - is coming 11.1.19